Deck the Balls
by Caprichoso
Summary: One-shot for the Tumblr Teen Titans Secret Santa exchange. Raven's got an early Christmas present waiting for her in her room... and she will never look at ice cream the same way ever again. Risqué BBRae, but hopefully not entirely tasteless.


**AN:** This was Ceshira's gift for the Tumblr Teen Titans Secret Santa exchange this year. I'm also posting it here, cause she's awesome and you should go find her on Tumblr! She has amazing art and lovely cosplay, and is all-around adorable. Thanks also go to felerial/shadico for proofreading this!

**Disclaimer:** Just because I'm being a bit risqué with these characters doesn't mean I own them. Quite the opposite, in fact.

**—**

**Deck the Balls**

—

As she strode down the hall, arms laden with Christmas purchases, Raven grumbled just loudly enough to be audible, not that there was anyone around to overhear. "I swear, if one more stranger tells me to smile because it's Christmastime, I'm going to grab the nearest bough of holly and start decking everyone I see with it, just on the off-chance that at least one of them might be named Hall."

The door to her room slid open, and Raven dropped her myriad of bags just inside. Wrapping the presents would have to come much, much later, after some much-needed meditation. Flicking on the light switch, she froze at the sight that greeted her.

"Merry early Christmas, Rae," came a gravelly baritone from across the room. Beast Boy was reclining in Raven's bed facing the doorway, one hand propping up his head while the other held a carton of ice cream in the air. The pose, though, was not nearly as shocking as his attire— or rather, lack thereof.

Resting on her boyfriend's head was an elf hat, red trim bringing stark contrast to his all-natural elf ears. Last Christmas, even before they had started dating, she'd thought the hat looked cute on him, and she'd been secretly hoping it would make a repeat appearance this year. She had never imagined, though, that it would show up in conjunction with only one other article of clothing… if the thing he was wearing could even be called such.

Raven had heard of a particular garment called a banana hammock, but she had never seen one in person, and not until this moment had the accuracy of the moniker been so undeniably clear. The red strip of fabric, visibly straining, highlighted every single contour and detail of Beast Boy's… fruit.

Raven unsuccessfully fought the blush spreading over her cheeks. "Garfield, what are you doing with a tub of ice cream, and why in Azar's name are you wearing… _that_?" She locked her eyes with her boyfriend's and ordered herself not to look elsewhere until either he put on more clothing, or the world ended.

"I felt like giving you an extra Christmas present to get you in the holiday spirit this year," he replied. "Remember earlier today when I told you and Starfire that boyfriends are for ice cream, hoodies, and foot rubs?"

"…Yes?" she replied, just barely managing to keep her gaze from wandering.

"And remember how Star asked if that meant boyfriends were a topping for ice cream?"

Raven raised her hands as though hoping to pull words from the air before finally clenching her fists and dropping them down to her sides. "Yes, Gar, I _remember_. Now why are you lying in my bed practically naked with a carton of Bob and Jimmy's Dark Chocolate Desires?"

He chuckled. "Well, the flavor is cause I know it's your favorite… and the rest? You know I'm not good at the whole snappy comeback thing; that's your specialty. But I was thinking about it later, and what I _should_ have said to Starfire is: no, boyfriends aren't a topping for ice cream." With slow, languid movements, he brought himself up onto his knees, and Raven's resolution to maintain eye contact failed. Miserably.

The years since Tokyo had been very, very kind to Beast Boy's physique, and now it was on display for her in one of her favorite poses. It was not often that Raven and Starfire's lexical choices overlapped, but in that moment, Raven had to admit that sometimes, _glorious_ was an appropriate term.

"Ice cream," he continued, opening the container and producing a spoon from behind him, "Is a topping…" A generous dollop of ice cream found its way onto said utensil. "For boyfriends." With that, he leaned backwards to almost a forty-five degree angle and dropped the frozen delicacy onto his chest.

Raven could do nothing but stand and watch, utterly transfixed by the sight of dark chocolate streaming down her boyfriend's torso, leaving behind a trail of melted, sugary goodness. Down, down, down it went, riding over well-defined abs and past his navel, leading down to…

With a gasp, the empath forced her field of vision upwards. _Look at his face, only his face. Don't look down. Look at his face_— Raven stopped short as she was finally able to focus on her boyfriend's expression.

Beast Boy's eyes were half-closed, eyes rolled back in his head. The image would have been supremely erotic, if not for the bizarre contortions the rest of his face was undergoing. Lips peeled back to expose all of his teeth as his mouth opened and closed and his jaw twitched from side to side. The occasional squeal defeated the changeling's efforts at remaining silent, but still he tried. It was as though a toddler had found a remote control to Beast Boy's face and was pressing buttons at random.

"Problem?" Raven asked, trying to hold back the giggles bubbling up from her chest. A little snort broke free anyway.

"Me?" He squeaked. "Nah, no _praaaah_… problem. Nope. Just need you to come over and help clean this off of me." He gulped. "Preferably like right now?"

The empath chanced a look downwards. The rapidly-melting blob of ice cream had come to rest along the waistband of Beast Boy's "unmentionables". Suppressing a grin, she summoned a tiny tendril of dark energy to lift the elastic a few centimeters…

A sound that could only be described as a shuddering shriek flew from Beast Boy's throat, and he collapsed sideways, squirming and thrashing. "Raeeeee," he whined, "Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

This time, Raven couldn't hide her smirk. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Just so you know," Beast Boy said, breathing deeply to keep his voice level, "If I die, you might be able to take my hoodie, but you won't get any more foot rubs."

In a split second, the elastic band lifted once again, and the remainder of the ice cream from Beast Boy's attempt at seduction floated off to the trash. Raven levitated into a reclining position on the bed, boots and socks shucked off as she went, while the spoon and carton of Dark Chocolate Desires flew into her hands. Scooping out a bit of the delicacy and depositing it in her mouth, Raven prodded her supine boyfriend with one foot. "Your death has been averted… for now, at least." She wiggled her toes. "Get rubbing, Mister Elf."


End file.
